Look in my head

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

You have a gift

Have you ever met a person who you want to be with when you are apart, but when you are with them you are sort of uncomfortable? Today I decided that I wanted to spend lunch with my friend who makes me feel that way. He couldn't go to lunch because he was wrapped up at work but even in the 5 minutes that I had with him, I had that strange feeling. He told me I have a spiritual gift that he does not have. He said I am very approachable, and that me and my wife strive to see the face of Christ. He mentioned that being married makes people open up to me. The things he says don't make me feel strange it is the body language that he uses. We were at his work place and so much was going on. Many of his subordinates wanted to ask him questions but they knew better then to bother him at that moment. It was as if I was the only one that existed in that 5 minutes. We could have been standing alone in that space filled with people. I have only ever met two men in my life that would tell me that they loved me. It feels strange but nice at the same time when it happens. It seems that a man who can openly say, "I love you" to another man are very intouch with their feminine side or maybe just were never taught the male machoism that prohibits such statments.

I think that perhaps there are certain biological and psychological differences that make some men more in touch with there feminine side then most men. I am one of those men. I will never be able to notice the details in life the way that a woman will. I don't feel what happened in my childhood as intently as most women, but the fact that I am talking about that rather then last nights basketball game proves my point. Was a basketball game on last night? I was busy watching nanny 911. The other day I was pestering my cat and petting her in a way she doesn't like. I noticed that her tail would wag back and forth in faster than normal manner for quite some time after I left her alone. This feminine trait extends beyond my pet. The other day my wife said, "I am going to get my hair cut and colored." To which I replied, "Why to gain your mothers approval." She responded simply "no." Then a significant amount of time passed when she asked, "why would you say that?" Her internal tail was wagging more rapidly the whole time. Homosexual men can be even more in touch with how their surrounding and things people say effect them than women. This is why the show "queer eye for the strait girl" exists. Why do I enjoy being around feminine men? No I am not gay. I think it is because I would rather talk about real life issues then the run of the mill "How is the weather" talk. In the midst of this internal dialog I am currently studying abnormal psychology in college. I wonder how dangerously close I have come to being schizophrenic, in my earlier religious claims about hearing from the holy spirit. This type of thing where you are typing to fit your self into a crazy category is called "medical student syndrome". I know that I can't control the actors on TV, or the cars on the road, and the pictures on my wall aren't talking to me so that is a good sign. To bring this little walk through my mind back to the original thought I need to remember that no matter people make me feel I need to remember that I can learn something from every person I meet.