Look in my head

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

you have the magic

Today I was faced with an ethical question. There is a baby here that is in very poor health. He is so bad off that a nurse has to monitor him every 2 hours or he will begin to code. (die) The mother is here and she is not stable yet and the father has no means or will to take care of the baby. Our hospital is not big enough to facilitate long term care we have to make room for wounded American soldiers. We are here primarily for American soldiers, Iraqi National guard, and people we hurt on accident or in war. To cut to the chase the decision has been made to allow this 7 lb horrible mal nutritioned 1 year old to go back with his father. The father says the baby is bad luck and he doesn't want him. This child will be dead with in weeks of giving him back to the family if it takes that long. This country has no social services, or Government sponsored foster care. It is so primitive.....So barbaric. The baby has to be fed by a tube and if the tube is not down far enough they will be feeding into the lungs. The tube we removed was so crusted with formula that there was no way formula was going down it. I have seen amputating when a leg could have been saved on Iraqis because multiple skin graphs were not possible (that would constitute long term care). But when it is the life of a helpless child it seems wrong on a whole different level. When the father of this baby comes around he says, You take her you have the magic medical treatment to keep her alive. He does not seem bright enough to even feed his baby and change diapers if the kid was normal, but he is right about our magic....Its called modern medicine.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

something very non war topic

Every day and every hour I wonder what will blow up next and how close that something will be to me. Today I dont want to write about war but something else....anything else. I am going to write about family. We all live in situations that are I guess you could say "different". I have heard people joke that they come from a dysfunctional family and even more people joke about bad in-laws. My family has become fairly interesting. My parents raised me in a very strict religious environment. Through high school (up to age 18) I was not allowed to go to school dances, listen to the radio, or go to movies that were R rated. I could not curse, and even when I got old enough drinking alchohol was strictly prohibitied and frowned upon. I had no problem adhering to these rules until my Father decided to leave my Mother and decided that none of these rules applied. Now when I go visit my father he offers me a beer, which at first was a bit like drinking a beer with.....I dont know like Billy Ghram or the pope or something. Now what I failed to ever stop and think about until recently was my dads life. You see dad fought two tours in Vietnam where he couted bodies as an MP then he went on to do 30 years with the Sheriff Dept where he had assignment with Vice and SWAT teams. What I am getting at is that dad dealt with the scum of society for most of his life. Somehow over the course of time having a beer probably didnt seem like such a bad think in comparison to oh maybe murder, child molestation, drugs, and illegal behavior. Then there is my mom who had had a really hard time moving on. Understandably she was hurt but still it has been 10 years now and she still seems hurt and barely able to get close to another person. Now on to my dear brother. This type of environment has made him have a great sense of humor. He can make you laugh in the most desperate of situations. Why it didnt have that effect on me....I dont know. I think I have a bit more synical view of the world now. I just wonder if other families have the same kind of oddities mine does. I am pretty sure they do.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

The smell of death

The last two soldier deaths were pretty hard for me to take. The day before yesterday a US Soldier came to us and when his HUM V got hit by a Improvised explosive device his door slammed into his body and cause a lot of organ damage. They tried to repair it and give him a lot of blood transfusions but when there is damage to your organs your body rushes the oxygen and blood to those organs and your limbs will start to die. They cut his arm off and the entire floor smelled like rotting flesh and burnt skin. My boss had trouble eating cooked meat for the rest of the next day. He eventually died. Last night a soldier died and they cut his arms and legs off before he expired in an attempt to save his life but he died too. I am really tired of war. I was considering posting pictures of guys messed up to drive a point across that there is nothing glamorous about war...But I think I will refrain just because these things I don't even like to see and I think people know how ugly war can be. For now I will try to get over the smell of burnt and decaying flesh. Four civilians dies just days ago from a mortar attack just across the street. I am so glad I was in the right place at the right time.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

My first Blog


I am writing from Baghdad Iraq. I am an American soldier and I work in a hospital. I really enjoy reading blogs from people who think differently then I do. Lately I have been reading a blog about a woman who is from San Francisco and she designs Jewelry and Clothing for a living. She is an artist and such a free spirit. Her website is http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/
I also read about a Jewish guy living in Israel. His entries make the bus bombing's in that area really come to life. His mannerisms really make me laugh too. Here is his site.

Life in Baghdad is good. Ramadan is comming up so it is expected that there will be more violence in the coming weeks because that's what happened last year. You would think that a time of fasting and seeking after God would bring less fighting but I guess because people want to prove their loyalty to Allah that they want to fight more. I will never understand violence in the name of God. It seems that historically the bloodiest wars were fought in the name of God.
Still a concept hard for me to grasp that our creator wants us to kill one his other creations. There is a verse in the Qu'ran that says "If you take one innocent life it is as if you have taken the whole of humanity." I guess we are not innocent because we are infidels or something like that but still hard for me to grasp. I think the problem here is the same problem the Catholic Church has had. A certain sect of Muslims (shia-not sure on spelling) feel like a human leader is infallible and they will do exactly what he says without question. This is always dangerous especially if that person is telling you to kill people. There are good things about this culture. For example many of the women if they aren't married are still virgins. This is hard to find in the States. It seems like to a certain extent we have lost some of the morals and values that our nation once held. Well I promise to talk about something far less controversial tomorrow.....Maybe politics! LOL